


Perfect Hair is a Side Effect

by Bettername



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Carlos is a BAMF, Desert Bluffs Carlos - Freeform, Gen, Inhuman Carlos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:33:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettername/pseuds/Bettername
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil receives a call from the perfect and wonderful Carlos who asks him to come to the lab to assist him with his experiments. He arrives at the lab only to find that there is something not quite right with Carlos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect Hair is a Side Effect

Carlos called for personal reasons. The perfectly scintillating Carlos asked Cecil for his assistance with performing experiments. Cecil’s heart was aflutter. Even though several of Carlos’ fellow scientists survived the incident at the car lot last week, Carlos, his perfect Carlos, said that he needed him and him alone. Cecil tried to suppress a squeal as he pulled up in front of Carlos’ lab and failed. It wasn’t that loud he assured himself, there was a possibility that Carlos did not hear his gleeful noise through the metal and concrete that separated them. Cecil took several deep breaths to compose himself. He fiddled with his hair and tie in the car mirror and walked into the laboratory when he was satisfied with his appearance. 

Cecil could not quite put his finger on it, but there was something about Carlos that was _off_. Carlos looked like Carlos. He was the same height and weight. He wore the same clothes. 

“Cecil? Are you ready to start?” the Carlos yet not Carlos asked. His voice was the same. Cecil took a step further. The door closed behind him. Carlos smiled his teeth still like white gravestones at a military cemetery. Cecil remained apprehensive. He let out a gasp when he realized that it was his hair. Carlos’ perfect hair wasn’t perfect. The usually lustrous black waves touched with a slight hint of grey no longer held their customary sheen. This Carlos’ hair was dull, lifeless, normal. Cecil flinched away from Carlos when he went to put a hand on his arm. The wrong Carlos chuckled and put his hand in a pocket of his lab coat instead. “You caught on much more quickly than his coworkers.” His lips smiled but his eyes did not as he withdrew a syringe full of a glowing green liquid out of his pocket. “I will most certainly enjoy working on you… excuse me, with you.” 

The door swung open and hit the concrete block wall with a jarring clang. 

“Carlos!” Cecil exclaimed. The not Carlos Carlos huffed and set the syringe down on a nearby counter as the real Carlos glowered at him. His lab coat was torn and covered with streaks of blood, his perfect hair mussed yet still magnificent. Carlos glanced over to Cecil. 

“Hello Cecil.” He returned his focus to the other him. “Hello bastard whom I’m going to torture before I kill.” The wrong Carlos laughed at the other’s threat.

“You are going to kill me?” He paused to let the improbability of that action sink in. “Bullshit.” 

“The company you worked for kidnapped me. You killed my colleagues. But most of all you were going to experiment on my boyfriend and that I will not allow to go unpunished,” Cecil shivered. Carlos sounded so _forceful_. 

“What are you going to do? Throw an Erlenmeyer flask full of acid on me?” He scoffed.

“No. I’m going to eat you alive.” 

“Well,” the wrong Carlos clapped his hands together, “before we dispense with the unpleasantries sure to come, why don’t we introduce ourselves. I’m Kemen the Scientist. Or that’s what everyone in Desert Bluffs calls me thanks to Kevin.” He glanced down at Carlos’ torn and blood spattered lab coat. “You should come back with me to Strexcorp. I’m sure that my superiors can find a position for you.”

“I know that there are positions available because I made them available,” Carlos replied deadpan. 

“What makes you so fucking confident,” Kemen bristled. “You aren’t even from Night Vale.” 

“Did you have a visiting fellowship at the School of Advanced Study at the University of London after your post-doctoral work?” 

“No.”

“Have you ever been to England?”

“No.”

“Then you’ve never been out on a midnight stroll on the Moors during an excursion for field work.” 

“No.” Carlos smirked at Kemen’s answer.

“Then you never met a certain someone or should I say something on that trip.”

“That goes without saying.” 

“Cecil, you’re going to find out why my hair is perfect. You could say that it’s one of the more pleasant side effects of my condition.” Carlos grinned and started to walk towards the increasingly unnerved Kemen. His eyes widened in alarm as he saw Carlos’ teeth. 

“Werewolf,” Kemen whispered horrified as he staggered backwards along the counter. Carlos’ grin broadened as he pointed to himself.

“There wolf.” Kemen tripped on his own feet and fell to the polished concrete floor shaking. “Cecil, you might not want to stay for this next part.” Cecil nodded and left the laboratory in a rush. The metal door did little to muffle the screaming inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Cecil talking about Carlos' perfect hair reminded me of a line from Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London. I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> _I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's_   
> _And his hair was perfect_


End file.
